So it looks like we still have a lot of work to do on our open ended responses overall. Kevin P. and Brendan P., on the other hand, has it down to an art. Check out their response and see how you can try to follow their lead:
Jean Fritz was not lucky to have grown up in China. For one, she had to go to a British School, which she clearly disliked. She did not like Ms. Williams, the anthem they sung, or any of the students. And the teacher wouldn't even let Jean practice what she felt were her customs. Also, Jean wished she was in America. This wouldn't be a problem if she was already there. And, worst of all, her grandmother, to whom she wrote regularly, lived in America. I miss my cousins who live across the country in Washington! I can only imagine would it would be like if they lived in, say, China. It must be really hard and very unlucky for Jean to live that far away from loved ones.
I tweaked Kevin's closing to include a more summative statement with regard to Jean; however, look at how clearly Kevin explains and uses the text. He never uses any phrases like "I think" or "in my opinion, and he follows the structure laid out in class. His personal connection fits with the focus of the piece. Well done!
Jean Fritz was not luck to have grown up in China. If Jean Fritz had not grown up in China, she would not have had to sing the British National Anthem. If she lived in the U.S. she would not have had to defy her morals every day. Jean also would not have had to deal with Ian Forbes. Then she would not have been hurt and she would not have skipped school, which are both bad. Jean also feels out of place and odd all of the time. If she had grown up in America, she would never have felt this way. I know how Jean feels because I was in a private school for elementary school and then switched to public for middle school, and I felt odd, out of place, and unlucky then too.
Like Kevin, Brendan's ending was tweaked a tad; however, he does all of the same things as Kevin. Well done!
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