Lovely Setting "Memoir" by Carla K.

My heavy, tired feet plop out of my grandma’s old, beige Lexus. After a 6-hour flight my family and I are all ready for a warm, comfortable bed that my grandma’s house provides. I drag my tightly packed suitcase, which seems more worn than me. I lazily open the ancient wooden door and catch the sultry, sudden stench of scalding soup. The smell almost seems to wake me up but my limbs are still weary and fatigued. I see my grandpa slowly scooping the hot soup. My hunger takes over and I grab a bowl. The hard, glass table supports plates filled with tempting varieties of food: eggs with shrimp, noodles with chunks of tender meat, lightly buttered broccoli.


Check out Carla's use of alliteration, listed adjectives, effective colon use, and small details!  I love it!

Gorgeous Setting "Memoir" by Catherine R.

Out in the Open

            As I open the car door the smell of the fresh, crisp air wafts up my nose sending a chill that crawls up my spine. The sun shines in a glowing shade of auburn that makes this place so soothing. Everywhere you look there are fresh pine trees that make up this everlasting forest. You can hear the miniscule animals scuffling through the woods, tramping over the crunchy, anhydrous leaves. I walk down the steep hill that forms a path between the woods. As I reach my destination I see the large body of water that is a bright aqua because it reflects the sky. There are many appealing things in my vision: proud, tall mountains; a rickety, wooden dock; slippery, mossy rocks; a loon that glares at me with its scarlet eyes. Above me there are puffy, billowing clouds that lead a journey up to space.

Check out Caroline's eloguent adjectives!  She has a distinct writing style that is grand and descriptive.  I especially love her complicated list, which incorporates both the colon AND correct semi-colon use.  I really love that she took it upon herself to create a pithy and creative title.  Bravo, Catherine!

Exemplary Open Ended Response by Kevin P. and Brendan P.

So it looks like we still have a lot of work to do on our open ended responses overall.  Kevin P. and Brendan P., on the other hand, has it down to an art.  Check out their response and see how you can try to follow their lead:

Jean Fritz was not lucky to have grown up in China.  For one, she had to go to a British School, which she clearly disliked.  She did not like Ms. Williams, the anthem they sung, or any of the students.  And the teacher wouldn't even let Jean practice what she felt were her customs.  Also, Jean wished she was in America.  This wouldn't be a problem if she was already there.  And, worst of all, her grandmother, to whom she wrote regularly, lived in America.  I miss my cousins who live across the country in Washington!  I can only imagine would it would be like if they lived in, say, China.  It must be really hard and very unlucky for Jean to live that far away from loved ones.  

I tweaked Kevin's closing to include a more summative statement with regard to Jean; however, look at how clearly Kevin explains and uses the text.  He never uses any phrases like "I think" or "in my opinion, and he follows the structure laid out in class.  His personal connection fits with the focus of the piece.  Well done!

Jean Fritz was not luck to have grown up in China.  If Jean Fritz had not grown up in China, she would not have had to sing the British National Anthem.  If she lived in the U.S. she would not have had to defy her morals every day.  Jean also would not have had to deal with Ian Forbes.  Then she would not have been hurt and she would not have skipped school, which are both bad.  Jean also feels out of place and odd all of the time.  If she had grown up in America, she would never have felt this way.  I know how Jean feels because I was in a private school for elementary school and then switched to public for middle school, and I felt odd, out of place, and unlucky then too.  

Like Kevin, Brendan's ending was tweaked a tad; however, he does all of the same things as Kevin.  Well done!